When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault
by Rantzilla
Summary: America has done it again- pissed off all of the other nations without even meaning to. Now, as the nations drag their feet back to the conference room in their new costumes, they must wonder, 'what have I gotten myself into' PrusSwitz, USUK, Spamano,etc
1. America, Fuck No

**G.I. Joey: **AND EMMA

**G.I. Joey: **WRITE

**G.I. Joey: **PRUSSIAxPRUSSIA

**Me: **xDDD

**Me: **HOW DOES THAT WORK

**Me: **Oh no I have an idea

**G.I. Joey: **switzerland was prussia the whole time, remember

Thus, it is completely and utterly Joey's fault.

* * *

**When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault**

_Chapter One: America, Fuck No_

* * *

It was that time of the month again.

No, not _that _time of the month! Time for another hectic World Conference!

However, this day was slightly different- and one could only guess why.

Every single nation attending the conference was dragging their feet and dreading the worst as they slowly made their way to the conference room- all thinking the same thing:

_'Fuck America.'_

Now, why on Earth would they be thinking this?

Well, let's just say it pertains to a certain American holiday and an over-eccentric blonde who happens to love dressing up as a cowboy and getting candy from strangers.

Yes, Halloween.

Every single year since the holiday was created, the American forced all of his fellow nations to join in the festivities- and it _never _ended well. For example, two years ago he made them all dress like zombies and walk toward a bunch of poor, little trick-or-treaters. Unfortunately for them, they were children of rednecks, and these rednecks had shotguns.

Needless to say, France nearly lost his vital regions, some of Germany's hair was scorched off by a bullet whizzing directly past his face, and England was in the hospital for a month after getting shot in the arm (America felt so bad about it that they had thought he'd cancel next year's activities- oh how they were wrong).

Last year had been better, but only slightly. The American had been watching a lot of Japanese animation in that time period, and thought it would be a good idea to ask everyone to cosplay as their favorite anime characters and attend the World Conference like that. After reassuring them that this stunt did not involve rednecks and guns, everyone agreed (albeit reluctantly).

Sadly, the meeting was cut short when France (who was cosplaying Sanji from One Piece) jumped England (who was cosplaying Ciel from Kuroshitsuji) and America (who was cosplaying Naruto from... well, Naruto) entered late screaming, "HEY YOU GUYS, BELIEVE IT, NUFUFU," then proceeded to break France's wrist 'accidentally' when he saw what was going on.

No one really cared when the meeting ended, some of them WERE in pretty embarrassing costumes. Plus, Spain (as Tuxedo Mask) and Romano (as Sailor Moon) had mysteriously disappeared. As did Russia (as Simon) when he found out that Iceland (Izaya) and Turkey (Shizuo) had left and may or may not have been killing each other in a back alley.

Though at least that year no one got hurt (France doesn't count, he deserved it).

THIS year the American had undoubtedly cooked up another half-assed scheme to embarrass and possibly injure every nation who dared come to this month's meeting.

As Switzerland warily entered the room, this theory was proven correct.

America had a large hat in his hands, and was walking around the table shaking the hat in every person's face until they reluctantly removed one of the folded slips of paper inside. Iceland, who had just picked something from the hat, went as pale as a ghost as he read the slip. He blinked his wide eyes a few times, before he wordlessly laid his head down on the table before he stopped moving altogether.

It seemed like whatever these nations were picking from the hat was anything but good.

Switzerland promptly turned on his heel, and opened the door again.

"AHH, SWITZERLAND!" called America, rushing over and clapping a hand heavily on Switzerland's shoulder, the smaller man flinched but held his ground. "Glad you could make it! Thought we'd be one short!"

"For what?" queried Switzerland cautiously, shrugging off the hand and turning around. His hands itched for the gun on his back.

"For my Halloween of AWESOME, of course!" yelled America- Switzerland covered his ears in annoyance. "This year we're going to dress up as the nation we pick from the hat. ISN'T THAT SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME!"

The smaller blonde just rolled his eyes.

"Oh come _on, _Switzerland! I don't wanna be a nation short! It's gonna be loads of fun and I swear you won't be shot at this time or almost mauled by bears or beaten by an old lady or molested by-"

Switzerland's face flared a violent red, "fine, FINE! I'll do it! JUST SHUT UP!"

America merely grinned happily and shook the hat irritatingly below Switzerland's nose- who scowled and snatched the last piece of paper out of the black cap.

He opened the folded paper, and instantly turned an even darker shade of red.

Switzerland's last thoughts before he went completely Rambo on everyone in the room were no different from what he thought before he even arrived at the meeting.

_'Fuck America!'_

_

* * *

_

**ALOON:**

DID ANYONE ELSE GO TO OTAKON? Amazing, rite? **  
**

ANYWAY, the next chapter should be up later today (Wednesday) or Thursday. I have it written, but ever since Princess (which I AM working on GOD DAMMIT) I like to be one chapter ahead.

And yes, I know this is short, the next chapter is longer, I think- not that I should be commenting on this since I DOUBT anyone will read this.

But in case you ARE and you're a reader of my Princess story (I'll be the Princess, You can be Target Practice- if you didn't know) I SWEAR the next chapter will be out by like, Saturday- if not earlier. And if that changes, I'll tell you in the next chapter. Seriously though, ever since my grandmom died I've been putting it off- but now I think I'm ready to finally finish the stupid writer's block chapter. It's not even good IMO but whatever, usually when I say these kinds of things from my lack of confidence people are all 'OH MY GOSH SHUT UP IT WAS GOOD' so I'm going to shut up, pff.

SO YES.

Also, this is entirely Joey's fault. Blame her.

Oh and just so you know, I DID pull names out of a hat after writing all the nations down on slips of paper- thus it is completely and totally random. I'm putting this note in the next chapter, too. So no one hates me.

Alright this is getting to be too long for my tastes, lmao. Peace out home skillets.

Also, you can probably already guess who Switzerland has. Sorry for the spoiler.


	2. When Awesome Arrives

Thank you all for the alerts. c: And thanks for the review, Miss T Hyuuga. c:

So here is the promised second chapter, third chapter won't be up until tomorrow- I guarantee.

That's actually all I have to say! Well, here you go.

* * *

**When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault**

_Chapter Two: When Awesome Arrives  
_

_

* * *

_After the conference managed to calm Switzerland down from extremely-pissed-I'm-going-to-shoot-you-so-much-that-your-corpse-will-be-unrecognizable to moderately-pissed-I'm-going-to-pretend-I'm-calm-but-if-you-so-much-as-look-at-me-the-wrong-way-heads-will-roll, they resumed the meeting.

Which consisted of America explaining the 'rules' of this year's event, and dismissing everyone to get their costumes prepared before they met again in the evening. He also informed them of a cosplay store down the street, a wig store a few blocks over, and some Halloween shops around the area.

...And four hours later, here they all are!

And, well...

Yup. ...Here they are.

Switzerland was once again, one of the last ones to arrive. He had had trouble finding the red contacts needed to complete his costume, everything else was easy peasy to find. He had tucked up his blonde hair into a white wig that looked strikingly similar to the actual nation's, he bought a navy uniform with black boots (where he tucked a pistol inside, since he could no longer carry around his prized gun), he had even gotten a stuffed yellow chick which he pinned to his wig, so it would stay on his head. He had also donned black gloves, a black undershirt, and a black tie with the closest thing he could find to the Knights Cross of the Iron Cross on it.

He did look remarkably like the nation he was assigned to imitate- but there was just one problem.

Switzerland is ...short.

So he ended up looking like a.. chibi-er version of the other nation.

A chibi-er and more visibly pissed-off version, as well.

Nonetheless, 'America' welcomed him with a smile.

'America' meaning what Switzerland believed to be... Norway? The smile looked so unnatural, it made Switzerland cringe.

"Welcome back, Prussia!" Norway said loudly, in what he might have thought was a cheery voice (but it sounded more pained than anything to anyone else).

But still, the nation was at least making an effort- and Switzerland should do the same.

...Right...

"K... Kese...sesese!" Switzerland coughed into his hand miserably, before flashing a twitching smile at a surprised Norway, "the AWESOME me has arrived fashionably late! Being on time is for UN-AWESOME NATIONS!"

Switzerland fought to keep the cocky smile on his face as he heard a few nations behind Norway snort with suppressed laughter, while Norway himself just raised an eyebrow and said, "riiight..." They stayed there a few more awkward moments as Norway surveyed Switzerland bemusedly, before he turned on his heel and made his way over to Denmark automatically (who was sleeping... as he was assigned to Greece) but was halted halfway there by a slight cough made by a nation with ridiculously over-exaggerated eyebrows. Norway's eyes widened just a bit upon realizing his blunder, then he turned once again and headed toward the real America- who, funnily enough, got England's name.

Switzerland sniffed derisively before he swept the room with his eyes, and headed toward an empty seat by Denmark at the end of the table. He managed to get there without making eye contact with anyone, though he could tell he was getting quite a few amused looks. Switzerland thought they were being hypocritical, considering some of the nations got hilarious names themselves.

Speaking of, he guessed he should check out the other nations before the meeting officially started (there was still one empty seat left, and they couldn't begin until everyone was present).

Switzerland first took in the people across from him.

He resisted the urge to face-plant into the table. There, in plain view, was what he assumed to be himself and a poor imitation of his little sister, Liechtenstein.

He was fairly sure that was Turkey as himself- wrong complexion and all, though he did have the attitude right. He sat there with his arms crossed, glaring heatedly across the table at Switzerland, and casting the occasional concerned glance in Lili's direction. Switzerland himself turned his gaze to her, and almost choked.

There sat England, blushing so deeply that he almost blended in with the shade of his dress. Then again, Switzerland couldn't blame him, he had a bow in his choppy hair and a red dress on (that resembled Lili's own). Switzerland could tell he was making an honest effort to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. His gaze was averted to his hands, which were in his lap, and he hardly noticed the protective looks he was receiving from Turkey (who was still doing quite a fantastic job of staying in-character).

Switzerland shook his head at the odd pair before looking around to spy on some other people, his eyes landed on Iceland near the head of the table (probably because he was red in the face for once, and this contrasted so much to his stark white hair). He had his arms crossed and was positively seething at the papers in front of him, Switzerland was mildly surprised that he hadn't burned a hole through them yet with the intensity of his glare. Well, he was in a dress (he had gotten Hungary, but had refused to don a brown wig, settling for a pink flower in his hair). Spain was seated next to him, as he had gotten Austria. The fool was in no way in-character, as he sent a beaming smile to the red-faced Romano across from him. As Switzerland looked at the Italian, he immediately knew why Spain was smiling.

Romano had gotten Spain.

If it wasn't for the red face and the scowl that adorned his features, one might have mistaken Romano for Antonio, because he had done very well with his costume.

...Then again, he probably just stole some of Spain's clothes, but that was beside the point.

Next to Romano sat Belarus, who had gotten Romano, ironically. You could easily tell that she was a woman, because she hadn't bothered to bind her breasts when she put on the costume. And though she was supposed to be glaring at Spain (Romano) or shouting at him, her eyes were glued instead to Russia across the table, who had gotten Ukraine.

Russia had stuffed watermelons in a tight white shirt, and had put on a wig, but it was still unmistakably him under all of it. He wore an expression that suggested the next person who spoke to him would get a limb ripped off- Switzerland guessed he must be pretty pissed, considering he wasn't cowering in fear of Belarus' love-glare.

Next to Russia sat China, who had gotten Belarus. He was choosing to stay out of character because he had seen Belarus' eyes flicker murderously toward him when he had tried imitating her psychotic attraction toward Russia by attempting to glomp Germany (who had gotten Russia). Why she even cared was a mystery to anyone, but Germany wasn't complaining. In fact, he looked relieved. Next to Germany sat Finland, who was shaking non-stop with tears in his eyes in an undoubtedly good imitation of Latvia. Austria had his arm around Finland awkwardly and was trying unsuccessfully to calm the smaller nation down, as he had gotten Estonia. Just as Switzerland's gaze was about to shift to a new pair, he saw a movement in his peripheral vision and turned in time to see Sweden stand up.

Then he had to put a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

He watched as the fuming individual stomped around his end of the table in his blue shorts and small white T-shirt, the blue hat on his head threatening to fall at the force of the stomping.

He had gotten Sealand.

Sweden had apparently deemed it appropriate (seeing as Latvia and Sealand were friends) that he should be the one to comfort the trembling nation. So, without any word of explanation he plucked Austria out of his seat with one hand, and placed him back on his feet right next to himself. Then he silently sat down in the empty chair, and shot a death glare at Austria, who scurried quickly around the table to take Sweden's abandoned seat (and seemed relieved he had, since he was now sitting next to Hungary).

Switzerland watched humorously as Sweden put an arm around Finland and pulled him closer, Finland looked up and blinked, before frowning angrily and opening his mouth to berate his 'husband' for going out-of-character, when raucous laughter coming from beside Switzerland's right cut him off. Switzerland himself turned to see what was up.

Lithuania (who had Denmark) was obviously staying in-character as he continued to laugh loudly at a trembling Latvia (Norway) who looked about ready to burst into tears.

"Come on, Norge!" His cheery voice sounded strained as he threw an arm over Latvia's shoulders, "you, me, and Iceland, should TOTALLY go out this Saturday!"

Hungary peeled the arm around Latvia off, and glared icily at Lithuania. Switzerland found it hard to discern whether or not she was in-character or not (she was Iceland, after all) when she screamed, "we aren't going anywhere with you, you axe freak, now keep your hands off Norway."

"That's right, Denmark! You have to be nice to your wife." Switzerland turned to the new voice.

Italy had his arm slung around Canada's shoulders (fitting, as they were Sweden and Finland) and was smiling happily at the two across the table, looking like he was having the time of his life.

Switzerland shook his head at about the same time as Canada, and averted his gaze to a new pair. Across from Russia sat Estonia, who had gotten Lithuania. He sat in silence as he listened to the ranting of France, who was talking animatedly (and in a valley girl accent) to him from his other side. Between France and Austria sat Poland, who had gotten China, and he looked extremely out-of-place (the only reason he had sat there was because Germany was sitting across from him, and he assumed China and Russia were friends).

Near the head of the table, Switzerland saw Italy and Germany, aka, Sealand and Greece. Sealand was trying, and failing, to wake Greece up as Ukraine watched the both of them frantically, wondering what she should do (she had gotten Japan).

Norway sat at the head of the table, his chin in his hands as he kept his eyes locked on the sleeping form of Denmark (who had ironically gotten the other head of the table). Surprisingly America, who was sitting perpendicular to Norway, wasn't yelling at him for not staying in-character. Switzerland noticed that America was also distracted by someone at the other end of the table- only it wasn't Denmark, but England.

Switzerland noted the blush on America's cheeks with a smirk.

Japan was sitting next to America as France, opening his mouth every few seconds, then closing it with a severe blush on his face. Switzerland guessed Japan was trying to flirt with America as France did with England sometimes, and was failing miserably because of his shyness.

Switzerland's eyes finally fell on the only person present that he had yet to inspect.

There sat Lili in a red sweatshirt, a shy smile on her face along with a blush as she looked around at everyone else. She was obviously having a very good time, and when she caught Switzerland's eyes she smiled wider and gave him a thumbs up. Switzerland let a small, rare smile grace his features as he waved back.

If she was having fun, so was he.

The next few minutes consisted of Lili making silly faces at Switzerland, who would laugh every time. Right when Switzerland decided to send a funny face of his own back, the door to the room burst open and slammed into the wall loudly, making everyone in the room go silent as a tall, smirking figure strode confidently in.

"Turkey has arrived!" Prussia shouted, ignoring the eye-rolls (particularly exaggerated by Germany, who also face-palmed) as his eyes landed on the sleeping Denmark (Greece) and the seat available perpendicular to him, and -Switzerland's heart sank- next to Switzerland. With a smirk, the haughty German strutted over, and plopped ungracefully down in his seat- immediately putting his feet on the table.

It was silent for a few long seconds, before Norway stood up, noticeably glaring at Prussia while saying, "thank you for joining us, Turkey, now if you would please wake Greece up then we can get started."

Prussia blinked as if he hadn't understood, before he turned his head slightly to the snoozing Dutch man. He frowned, brought a leg up, then slammed it down on the back of the man's neck (as he had it resting comfortably in his arms on the table).

The force of the kick sent the whole table rattling and a few gasps resonated from the people who had witnessed it.

Germany face-palmed again.

Denmark, upon getting kicked in the back of the neck, sat straight up and opened his mouth to speak but was abruptly shut up by a loud 'CRACK' at the head of the table.

Norway was visibly shaking with rage as he threw aside the broken ruler and picked up a piece of chalk. Ukraine looked from Norway to Denmark indecisively before she frowned and glared at the Prussian.

"Please don't hurt Greece-san, Turkey-san," she said softly, a surprisingly good imitation of Japan.

"Sorry," said Prussia (probably with an eye-roll, but you couldn't tell with the mask he was wearing), not sounding sorry at all as he crossed his legs on the table again.

"Feet. Off. The. Table." came an enraged voice, Norway again, as he began drawing a globe on the chalkboard, a little too forcefully.

You could almost feel Prussia's eye-roll as he put his feet back on the ground. Then he began looking around- and this is when his eyes locked with Switzerland's, who shockingly didn't look away. The real Prussia studied him for a few seconds, before his smirk became a full-on smile as he said, "and who is this sexy beast?"

Switzerland flushed with embarrassment, as this had been one of the last things he expected the insane Prussian to say. He knew the guy was full of himself, but he never thought he was narcissistic. He turned away quickly, facing the front of the room and trying to ignore the heat in his face and the eyes that he felt were practically molesting him.

The meeting finally commenced, starting with an unusually boring speech by Norway. It was a long three hours, where Norway, America, and Japan debated while Sealand finally got Greece up so that he could interject.

Sadly, Switzerland hardly caught any of the antics by other members of the room, as he was far too preoccupied with the hand on his thigh, or the finger under his chin, or the foot on his foot.

Yes, this Prussian was definitely narcissistic.

Switzerland had scooted his chair as far away as possible, and the Prussian was closer than ever when finally Norway called lunch break with a, "THANK GOD. ALL OF YOU, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT."

The Swiss man rose hurriedly from his seat and scurried out of the room first, running down the hallway without looking back.

* * *

**ALOON:**

Again, I picked these from a hat. Also, I think I should have described everyone's costumes a bit more. Just imagine them all with wigs and clothes resembling whoever they got. Cept Iceland, he refused the wig. :c

Also, they all bought this with AMERICA'S money. Otherwise none of them would have agreed, lmao.

Sorry if you hated it. :C And I think Joey almost died at the Sweden part.

I'm also really worried because Joey said she didn't understand who was who and gahh I didn't fix it! *SOB*

Oh well thanks for reading anyway. C:

(I think this is longer... is this longer?)


	3. The French Never Learn

Hello, and welcome to the belated chapter three of _When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault!_ I'm your host, Rantzilla, here to say I'M SO SORRY.

This is so late it's not even funny. It's literally three- bordering on four- days late. And I really have no excuse other than my procrastination.

Anyway, thank you so much for all the favorites, alerts, and reviews! They all make me SO happy!

Without further ado, here's your late chapter. MAKE OF IT WHAT YOU WILL.

* * *

**When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault**

_Chapter Three: The French Never Learn_

_

* * *

_Switzerland gasped for air, bracing himself against the wall in exhaustion with a slight flush. He closed his eyes, willing the searing feeling in his stomach away.

He had just run all the way around the building- from the West wing to the East wing- in under a minute. So desperate was he to get away from that molesting Prussia, he passed up the water cooler that he had sprinted by a few hallways back.

However, after a few moments of rubbing listlessly at the huge stitch in his side, he made his way dutifully back toward hydration- not seeing any danger in it, considering it was still a ways away from the conference room and no one bothered to wander far during lunch breaks.

With this thought in mind, he re-adjusted his askew albino wig and started walking a little faster, ignoring the burning in his gut.

When Switzerland FINALLY managed to track down the hallway with the water cooler, he had downed six of those cones in under twenty seconds. Now, refreshed and once again gasping for breath, he slouched down beside the cooler, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall.

He just had to relax his mind before the meeting resumed, to help endure that Prussian nightmare for another three hours.

Right... relaxing...

Switzerland thought of the hands on his thigh... the lips at his ear...

...Relaxing...

The foot rubbing his foot... the lust-filled crimson eyes...

…

Re...

His face bloomed a dark shade of red.

Lax...

He clenched his teeth and re-opened his eyes.

Damn that German menace, invading his thoughts like this. It was all that stupid America's fault! Making him dress up like this... But that American would get what was coming to him, surely. Switzerland saw the way he was looking at England, and England won't take too kindly to his advances, no sir!

A sudden chill ran up Switzerland's spine, like he had just foreshadowed something without realizing it.

"Hi, big brother!"

Switzerland jumped, and looked to his left where Liechtenstein was standing with a small, knowing grin on her face, a hand extended toward him.

He decided that he didn't like her smile for once.

The Swiss man narrowed his eyes at the girl, before taking the hand and pulling himself up.

"You look happy... something happen?" He queried suspiciously, ignoring the lead feeling in his legs.

Before answering, she turned to the water cooler and poured herself a drink, downing it in one gulp. Then she faced her brother once more, that smile still prominent on her face as she crushed the cup and tossed it (without looking, even) into the trash bin.

His eyes narrowed more.

"Ohh, it's noothing, brother," she said happily, doing a little twirl before locking arms with him and starting back toward the conference room, all but dragging her brother with her. "Sooo... how is Prussia?"

Switzerland twitched.

He knew it.

She had seen everything.

Once upon a time, Switzerland came across his little sister's collection of... questionable comic books from Japan whilst cleaning her room. She'd yelled at him for it, but she seemed relieved that he was... kind of okay with it.

Kind of.

Now don't get Switzerland wrong, this tiny trait of his sister's never bothered him before- and he still loves her to no end- but he promised himself that when she started pairing _him_ with other guys, he'd have to put a stop to it.

So, stop he did, causing his little sister to jerk backwards and halt as well.

He gave her a pointed look, taking a deep breath before speaking, "now I don't know what you saw earlier but I enjoyed _none of it_ and when he tries it again I will _blow his brains out_. So don't go getting any weird thoughts about he and I, because it's _not going to happen_. It's_ never going to happen_. Verstehen sie?"

Liechtenstein nodded mutely, removing her arm from his and staring at the ground forlornly.

When Switzerland used German, it was bad.

When he used _formal_ German- it was serious business.

Switzerland nodded satisfactorily, and began marching toward the meeting room of his own accord, his little sister trailing sadly behind.

However, about one or two hallways away from where the conference was taking place, he heard shouting. Due to instinct, Switzerland halted, threw an arm out to stop Liechtenstein, and glanced over his shoulder at her.

She was frowning and staring at the wall to their right- where they heard the muffled shouting. Ignoring her brother's arm, she walked over and put an ear to the wall.

"-_told_ you we are going to be _late_! And will you_ get your bloody hands away from my crotch_!" Liechtenstein heard this when she put her ear to the wall, she recognized the voice immediately.

Switzerland couldn't fight the curiosity he felt when he saw _that_ smile break out on Lili's face anew. It had to be good, because normally it took awhile for her to recover during the rare times where Switzerland would yell at her.

So his responsible self crumbled and he crouched behind Lili, putting an ear to the wall as well.

"Ahh, but angleterre, you look so _cute_ in zat dress! And I assumed zat zis is what you wanted when you said zat you need to talk with me," came a sultry, noticeably French voice through the thin walls.

"No.. _ahh_... n-no.. I wanted to talk to- _nnn_- you about something ah... else and _would you stop touching me you frog!_"

"Well, what did you want to talk about?" replied France seductively. Yes, _seductively_. How he could ask such a simple question_ seductively _was beyond Switzerland.

"It's too late now, you twat. We're going to be late if we don't hurry up- _ahh_... I TOLD you to _st_- MMPH!"

The irate Brit was cut off most likely by France's lips.

Shivering and trying to cool down his burning cheeks, Switzerland decided it was time for him and Liechtenstein to go before they were discovered, so he tugged on the sleeve of her hoodie to get her attention. As she turned to look at him, he noticed she was pinching her nose and she was probably as red in the face as he was. Before he could question why she was holding her nose like that, an ominous shadow covered the two of them. Lili glanced above Switzerland's head, and the color immediately drained from her face.

Switzerland, too looked up, the top of his head bumping into the legs of the person behind him as he tilted his head all the way back.

There, smiling straight down at him, was America.

Switzerland shivered.

He'd seen friendlier smiles on_ Russia_.

"'Lo Vash, Lili," he said in fake cheer, "could you kindly tell me where France and England are? Besides the two of you, they're the only ones who haven't sho-"

He must have had bat hearing, because he had cut himself off abruptly upon hearing the heavy panting coming from the room beside them, the smile completely wiped off his face.

"F... France... Did... did you just hear America?"

"Oh _non_..." groaned a panicked French voice.

America smiled an eery, twitching smile, as he stomped past the two blondes huddled on the floor and kicked in the door a few paces down.

It was at this time that Switzerland pulled Liechtenstein up and took off as fast as he could down the hallway.

No matter how far they ran, however, they still heard France's howls of pain.

* * *

**ALOON: **

So I actually have some notes this time! Oh my gosh!

**Verstehen sie?: **Do you understand?(formal)

I used German because it's the official language of Liechtenstein. I KNOW it's not the official language of Switzerland but it IS one of the main languages they speak, even though it's a variation of the language it is STILL German. I'm probably completely wrong with this by the way, BUT I DID NOT USE GOOGLE TRANSLATOR HOORAH.

**Anglettere: **England

French, obviously. And...

**Non: **No

Also French.

I apologize for being a USUK fag. I do. Really.

I also apologize for the blatant lack of PrussiaSwitz in this chapter.

Don't worry! I think there will be an abundance next chapter! ABUNDANCE!

I don't know when the next chapter will be out, MOST LIKELY three or four days, depending on whether or not my family decides to go camping.

I'M SORRY AGAIN FOR THE LATENESS! Please forgive me. *SOBS*

(I know this is a long author's note... but I want to personally thank all the reviewers, pff.)

**pirateANDelf: **Love the name, pff. I LOVE TORTURING SWITZERLAND WITH PRUSSIA, TOO. BELIEVE ME. **Miss T Hyuga: **WOO! I'm glad you enjoyed! **Chalupakabra: **Your review made me laugh so hard, I don't even know why. BUT THANK YOU! I think I almost died while picking the names out of the hat, it was hilarious. **Proud American: **LOLOL that's so true! Dang America and his stunts... **thebestthingsinceslicedbread: **LOVE your penname, too. And yeah, Joey almost died because of that. THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!

Okay see ya'll next chapter!


	4. Hot Prussia on Prussia Action

Ahh! **Miss Macabre Grey**! Oh my gosh... just... oh my gosh. xD

I AM NOT GIVING YOU THE LEMON DAMMIT. /SOB

Anyway.. the reason I'm mentioning you, lovely person, is because you pulled me out of my depression! With your messages and all! I really wasn't planning on updating for awhile, but your reviews and messages totally inspired me (even though that lemon I wrote will never be released to the public)- for both this story AND my Princess story. So really, thank you! (Even though my Princess story was updated way before this PFFF I SUCK). There's a reason that this is so late, I actually wanted to wait 'til Halloween to release this, because, well... you know. Derp.

And, of course, thank you all very much for the favorites and alerts and of COURSE, reviews! I seriously appreciate them (probably more than I should)!

Alright, onto your late (once again) chapter (I swear I have an excuse this time, it's just been awhile and I don't wanna be reminded of it).

Oh and I'm making a list so I don't confuse myself... or you:

Switzerland=Prussia  
Prussia=Turkey  
Turkey=Switzerland  
Lili=Canada  
Canada=Finland  
Finland=Latvia  
Latvia=Norway  
Norway=America  
America=England  
England=Lili  
Sweden=Sealand  
Sealand=Italy  
Greece=Germany  
Germany=Russia  
Russia=Ukraine  
Ukraine=Japan  
Japan=France  
France=Poland  
Poland=China  
China=Belarus  
Belarus=Romano  
Romano=Spain  
Spain=Austria  
Austria=Estonia  
Estonia=Lithuania  
Lithuania=Denmark  
Denmark=Greece  
Hungary=Iceland  
Iceland=Hungary

I think that's everyone? I DON'T EVEN.

* * *

**When Things Go Wrong, it's Usually America's Fault**

_Chapter Four: Hot Prussia on Prussia Action

* * *

_

Both Switzerland and Liechtenstein were out of breath when they finally managed to make it back to the conference room. They _had _been expecting a stern talking-to from Germany- but they slipped in easily past the dozing Greek man and separated to take their rightful places (Switzerland did so reluctantly, as the _real _Prussian was smirking at him devilishly as he approached).

At the head of the table, Norway questioned Liechtenstein on the whereabouts of 'England,' 'Poland,' and 'Liechtenstein.' The girl was thankfully saved from a stuttered response when the door was kicked open harshly by a certain obnoxious American (geez, what was with him and kicking down doors?) with a seemingly unconscious Brit on his back.

France was nowhere in sight.

Switzerland cringed inwardly at this, not wanting to know the amount of damage America inflicted on that poor, perverted nation. Not that Switzerland liked France, but he didn't deserve such a harsh beating for simply molesting another nation.

At this, Vash casted a subtle glance at Prussia.

On second thought...

America strode around the table to an indignant Turkey, before dumping England in his original seat- where we find out yes, England is indeed unconscious.

No one dared (well... Prussia may have dared but he was distracted staring at something else) say anything to the obviously still irate American... but Turkey refused to let this slip, as he was still in character.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO LILI?" he screeched at America's back, and before the American could even answer he was checking England everywhere for bumps and bruises of any kind, all while murmuring, "fucking England, I'll shoot him later when everyone's gone. Fucking stupid asshole, hurting my Lili. I'll kill him."

Switzerland thought it was ironic that he said he was going to shoot "England" for hurting England.

...Although Vash had to admit that the Turk was doing an admirable job at predicting his reaction if ever an event such as that should occur.

After the spectacle had finished, and America had let it drop because Turkey was just acting (and he'd lost all his anger when he beat up France mercilessly), Vash glanced down the table at Lili, wondering what her reaction to the scene was. She was stifling giggles behind her hand, but when she caught him looking she stopped and smiled. He smiled back automatically.

Anyway, the meeting commenced with Norway punching Greece in the back of the head to wake him up. Greece got up after being forcefully woken and mumbled a speech over how everyone should be serious in this meeting, how we should pay attention, cooperate, participate, then he fell asleep mid-sentence. No one really noticed, seeing as most of the room was preoccupied.

Hungary was again yelling at Lithuania for coming onto Latvia and her, this time by playing footsies with Latvia under the table. Needless to say, Lithuania now bore a huge frying pan-shaped red mark across his face, and now was decidedly staying out of character.

Italy was chatting up Canada about something pasta-related, and Canada to his credit was not yet banging his head against the wall in irritation. In fact, he appeared almost interested in what the Italian had to say. If you looked closely though, you could tell it was a facade- although he did look happy that someone was acknowledging his presence for once.

The REAL Sweden and Finland were talking quietly and politely about something. Or, Finland was doing most of the talking while Sweden made a grunt or a nod to keep up his end of the conversation, Finland didn't seem to mind.

Belarus had long since taken the seat next to the real Russia, having put a knife to China's throat in order to get him to move, and he did so without protest. Germany couldn't have felt more frightened even if he tried, scooting his chair away from the psychotic woman as far as it would go.

Russia was trying to ignore the fact that one of his watermelons was leaking. And that Belarus was now sitting next to him and staring at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes anyone other than a puppy could muster.

Spain was rubbing Romano's thigh with his foot under the table.

Sealand was poking Greece's cheek in boredom, not even bothering to wake him up this time.

Norway had left the front of the table to wake Denmark up, who he proceeded to berate for sleeping during a meeting. He used his America costume as an excuse for the intrusion.

Turkey was STILL fussing over an unconscious England.

America was glaring heatedly at a fussing Turk.

China, Estonia, and Poland had gotten into some deep conversation about the history of Hello Kitty.

Austria and Hungary (who was done screaming her lungs out at Lithuania) were pleasantly bantering about random stuff as she clung to a shaking Latvia.

Japan was happily telling Ukraine about all of his new inventions, while she listened with fascination and waited for him to stop speaking before she unleashed her barrage of questions.

And Prussia was molesting a red-faced Switzerland, while Liechtenstein took pictures from the front of the table with a borrowed camera from Hungary, who refused to take pictures of the hot Prussia-on-Prussia action because she thought it was the most disgusting thing ever.

It seemed as if all was right with the world.

...Kind of.

Switzerland was one of the few who would protest this statement at the moment.

Prussia's hand had worked its way under the Swiss' butt somehow, and was squeezing it at random intervals, making Vash emit an admittedly unmanly squeak each time. The Swiss, currently blushing from neck to hairline, was closing his eyes and biting his lip as his self-control dwindled further and further. He was trying to keep himself calm so he wouldn't cause another raucous but his patience was wearing thin fast.

Sure, the meeting was coming to a close soon and YEAH, Lili would run the risk of being hit by a stray bullet... but the hand on his ass, the lips on his ear, and the wandering hands were making his mind scream bloody murder. Literally. Not to mention the constant whispers of "you're so awesome" and "let's make awesome love" were getting beyond annoying, and not mucking up his though process in the least or making his breath hitch OR putting stupid butterflies in his stomach. Not at all.

We should note at this time that Switzerland's denial should be as easy to spot as a flying pink elephant in a tutu flying through the streets of Zürich.

Anyway, he had himself fully convinced that he could make the last half hour without pulling out the machine gun cleverly hidden in his belt and causing further misery and mayhem.

However, something bad happened, as it always tended to do whenever the nations would conjugate like this. Or whenever Prussia was involved in something.

Prussia's available hand was groping every place on the other male's body that it could find when it suddenly grazed across a peculiar bump along Switzerland's torso. Frowning, he thought.

Lifting up the other's shirt to check seemed to be over-stepping a boundary of some sort, and what would the Swiss do when he did this? Well, he'd obviously shoot up the place like a fucking insane person but in Prussia's mind, he would moan and scream for Prussia to take him and _take him now_, the minutes he's been working him up finally taking a toll and the shirt-lifting would be what broke the Swiss down to his will.

As we should know, though, Prussia's thoughts are far from reality.

So with that inaccurate thought in mind, he lifted up the shirt that was nearly identical to his and caught a glimpse of a patch of bandages before he found himself staring down the barrel of a magnum a moment later.

Somehow, this didn't go quite as planned.

Switzerland was on the fence now between shooting the Prussian in the face and stomping off in a rage now that the hands were retracted and the meeting was nearing it's conclusion. Lili _had _always told him to walk away, right? Maybe it was time to start proving to her that he can, and will try to be a better person for her!

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA EASY THERE HOT STUFF! I'M TOO AWESOME TO DIE! I ONLY WANTED TO MOLEST YOU A LITTLE THEN POSSIBLY BANG YOU LATER, I SWEAR!"

Switzerland twitched.

On second thought...

No. He would walk away. He had to.

And so, with the greatest amount of self-control that Switzerland could muster, he removed his gun from the Prussian's inner bubble, and stomped out of the room without another word or glance toward any of the other nations in the room.

He passed off the furious flush on his face as rage, and ignored the lingering touches completely.

* * *

**ALOON: **

LOL AND I HAD MYSELF CONVINCED THIS WAS THE LAST CHAPTER.

FML.

Well shut up, I will release this because I've done 35 fucking pages of notes today and I'm tired. I still have 65 pages to go and this is due Monday SO FML LOLOL /suicide.

Yeah shit sucks in my life right now but I shouldn't really complain, everybody has their bad days. Or weeks. Or months. .../wrists

OH AND I WAS MISTY FOR HALLOWEEN. I'm a nerd!

Okay so thanks for reading and hopefully Miss Macabre doesn't punch me in the face for not responding to her last message. In a month. Honey, Ilu, and I'm sorry for totally putting this off and not sending it to you (even though it was done like 3 weeks ago, pff). ;c And not sending you that horrible freaking lemon. I just don't want your eyes to bleed (I might send it to you though, I don't know, I LACK SELF CONFIDENCE IN MY SMUT).

KBYE.

ONE MORE CHAPTER BBY.


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